She's here!!

Born December 22, 2012 at 7:35 AM, 6 lb 14.5 oz, 18.5 inches long.

Had my first contraction last night at 7:00, they were 7-11 mins apart and then went to 5. We went shopping to finish getting our Christmas stuff and they kept coming, but I didn't want to say anything to DH until I was certain they were painful and 5-6 mins apart. I eventually told him and that if they kept up then we'd probably want to call his parents to come get Samson, this was around 7:50. We went home and started getting the last minute stuff around and called his parents to give them the heads up to come get him when they could. I took a shower and they slowed from 4 mins to 6-7 and I started getting nervous that it was a false alarm. I bounced on my ball for about 20 minutes until my ILs got there and took Samson. We decided to head to the hospital and I called my mom on the way to let them know what was going on. The drive there the contractions were painful, but not really bad, and they were 3-4 mins apart. 

Got to triage at 9:45 and contractions were nothing more than BH, but 3 mins apart and I had only dilated to 4 (was 3 1/2 at my appt on Monday). They started my IV and antibiotics since I was GBS+ just in case they kept me. The contractions started to become farther apart and irregular and I was getting really bummed, but after a 20 min walk, they were more painful and 2-3 mins apart. I only dilated to 5 after 2 hours and was slightly more effaced, I was still admitted around 12-12:30, can't remember. 

My doctor came in (he was technically on vacation, but had postponed his travel plans so he could be there!) I was at 5 1/2 and +1 station. DH slept for about an hour and when he woke up and we went walking for a while, and was checked again at 3 or so, only to a 6. That was when I asked for the epi, which I finally got at 4, and DH started to feel faint. He laid on the couch while they finished up the epi and he passed out for almost 3 hours straight, *sigh* 

My epi, while it made the pain go away, made my face incredibly itchy, and all the hormones, exhaustion and not realizing I was cold, caused me to shiver uncontrollably for the next 4-5 hours. I really did not feel well and hardly slept, but I couldn't keep my eyes open or focus on anything, it was like I wasn't in control of my body, just completely out of it. 

My dr came in at 5:00 and said my contractions had all but stopped from the epi and suggested breaking my water and ordering pitocin if they didn't pick back up by 6:00. I agreed, actually, I think my exact words were "whateva you gotta do", I felt drunk, haha. Contractions still didn't pick up much and pit was started shortly after 6:00 very low dosage of 2. By 6:30 or so, I was 9 cm and my doctor thought I'd be ready to push by 7:00, this was when DH finally woke up and I had to update him with everything he missed. They checked me at 7:00 and I was still at 9, checked again because I started feeling pain and the need to push at 7:25. Declared complete and immediately started pushing, after pushing through 3 contractions, 3 pushes each contraction, my doctor thought it was going to happen soon and started getting dressed and bringing in the nursery nurses. By 7:30 they could see her head, and about 8-10 pushes later, she was born at 7:35. 

I had no tears and because of that and only pushing 10 mins, my recovery has been amazing compared to Samson (pushed for 1 1/2 hours, had two 2nd degree tears and one 3rd degree). She's absolutely beautiful and we are so in love. 

39 Weeks

38 weeks 5 days

How far along? 38 weeks 6 days

Weight gain/loss: Down a couple pounds, so my total gain is 10.8 lbs!

Feeling: Good, not really in much pain, just anxious to meet her. I waddle some when I first stand up and she settles back into my pelvis, but overall not to shabby for 9 months pregnant!

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Better this week than last, except I've been waking up a lot more recently because I have a lot of nervousness and anxiety over when labor will start.

Food cravings: I would love to have a Crispy Chicken Deluxe sandwich from Wendy's everyday.

Movement?: Slower during the day, but she really takes off at night. Her movements are becoming painful, like she's ripping my cervix apart. 

What I miss?: nothing really!

Best moment this week: My appt today! I made my appt for 1 day sooner than I normally go, just because I was anxious to get back and get checked, haha. So in 6 days I went from 2cm dilated & 25% effaced to 3 1/2cm dilated and 25-50% effaced! She's still high, but my doctor said it's common for second babies to not drop until just before labor or during labor. So, based on that (dilation, effacement, station and having an anterior cervix) I officially have a favorable cervix and I have a 90% chance of going into spontaneous labor in the next week! He expects me to go this week sometime, but if not, I have an induction scheduled for the 26th at 7 AM which he is very confident will be successful.

I was so surprised at the change in just 6 days, once I hit 3 full cm with Samson, I went into labor within days and I'm so so hoping to follow suit this time so I have her in the next couple days. As we were leaving the office, we didn't make an appt like we normally do and the receptionist caught us and asked "No appt??" I said "Nope! Last one!!" it was so surreal walking out the door knowing it was my last appt before I have my baby. It's finally hitting DH too, he said in the elevator "I can't believe we're to this point" I think he's very excited, but also getting nervous to have another baby. I go back and forth  between excited and scared shitless, but mostly excited. I can't wait to see her face and kiss her cheeks.

What I'm looking forward to: Labor!

38 Weeks

37 weeks 1 day

How far along? 38 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 12 lbs, silly me wore a sweatshirt when I was weighed today so I was up almost 4 lbs. My doctor was like "uhhh" and I explained I was wearing a sweatshirt that I forgot to take off, lol. He was okay with the weight change when he heard that, haha

Feeling: Okay, anxious. Hips have been hurting more and more, BHs are all the time and I'm just so ready to have her.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Okay, not as terrible as it has been, but definitely far from great.

Food cravings: Nothing really

Movement?: About the same, she's definitely about out of room. 

What I miss?: Sleep!

Best moment this week: My little boy started sleeping in a big boy bed!! I'm so proud of him, he's so so big :-)

What I'm looking forward to: My appt on Monday, even though I just had one today. Last week I was 1 1/2 - 2 cm dilated and about 25% effaced. Today I was 2 cm and everything else was the same. BOOOOOOOOOO

I'm really bummed with the lack of progress and the fact that this pregnancy is following almost the exact same pattern as with Samson and I went overdue with him. My doctor seems to think she'll be here before Christmas, but told me to be prepared for after Christmas too. If I go over, I have to wait until the 26th for my 40 week appt and then I can potentially schedule an induction for the 27th or 28th. So, 2 weeks and 3 days from now, that is a long freaking wait :-(

36 weeks

Me at the wedding, 36 weeks 4 days

And because I'm so proud of myself, the wedding cake!

How far along? 36 weeks 6 days

Weight gain/loss: Still 10-12 lbs! I only gained .2 lbs from my 34 week appt to my 36 week appt! I literally said "yeeeessss" accompanied by a fist pump when I saw my weight on the scale. haha

Feeling: Horrible, I really don't know if I can do 3 more weeks. My hips have been KILLING me and I pulled a muscle really low in my pelvis earlier when I was picking up Samson and it hurts to walk now. My cold is on it's way out so that helps.

I've also been getting contractions today, more intense than BH and they're somewhat painful, I'm really really hoping they're doing something. I bounced on my exercise ball and I think we might go mall walking tonight to try to get them to pick back up, but I'm not holding my breath that it'll be anytime soon that labor starts.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Worse, but it's probably been because I was stressed out last week about my brother's wedding since I was making the cake. Now the wedding is over and I've slept a little better the past few nights.

Food cravings: Andes candies, I bought two boxes today, soooooo good!

Movement?: Slowed some, but she's still quite active. 

What I miss?: Sleep!

Best moment this week: My brother's wedding! It was beautiful and they're happy and my cake was awesome!

What I'm looking forward to: My appt tomorrow!! I'm hoping for huge progress since I was so busy and stressed last week and from the contractions today. Last week I was "fairly hard", long and dilated to 1 1/2 cm. More than I was with Samson at 36 weeks.

With him I was:
1 at 36 weeks
Almost 2 at 37 weeks
2 at 38 weeks
Almost 3 at 39 weeks
3 at 40 weeks

I went into early labor the next day, but had a induction scheduled and by the time I got in, I was already to 4. So I'm hoping that once I hit 3, labor will start on it's own soon after. I will be disappointed if I didn't make any progress, but I know it WILL be soon, I keep telling myself "It's just 3 more weeks"

Milestones: Full term tomorrow! Woohoo!!

35 weeks...31 days!

**No picture again this week, I'll try to take one tomorrow and add it in**

How far along? 35 weeks 4 days

Weight gain/loss: Still 10-12 lbs!!

Feeling: Well I caught a cold, so kinda crappy, but my back & hips haven't been hurting as much, so that's been awesome. Before getting the cold, I was feeling pretty darn good!

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Okay, just okay.

Food cravings: Nothing really, everything sounds good almost all the time.

Movement?: About the same as last week, she's getting so big in there so I'm surprised she's still moving so much. Last night she was moving A LOT and would go back and forth between punching my bladder and rearranging my intestines. So I'd go from "I have to pee!" to "I have to poop!" I was glad when she fell back asleep. 

What I miss?: Nothing really

Best moment this week: Thanksgiving and Black Friday! The food on Thursday was delicious and I didn't even eat too much, so I think my weight should still be pretty good. And yesterday, my MIL & FIL took Samson for the day so I was able to go shopping about an hour away with my Mom all day. It was so nice getting away and not having to worry about him getting restless or throwing a fit in the store, I'm sure that's one of the last times I'll get to go shopping without any kids in a while! I bought an adorable Precious Moments doll for Sydney's shelf at an antique store, she's just perfect in there. And I finished my Christmas list except one person, but they'll be super easy. Anyway, it was a really good day.

What I'm looking forward to: My appt on Tuesday!!! I have my first internal, and even though I know they don't really tell you anything, I'm still very anxious to see if I'm dilated at all.  

Milestones: Not really any milestones, but my due date is one month from tomorrow!!

34 Weeks

How far along? 34 weeks 3 days

Weight gain/loss: Still 10-12 lbs

Feeling: Worse, I have almost constant upper back pain, and now my hips have started to hurt during the day instead of just at night. BHs have started up again, even though I've been drinking quite a bit of water, I get probably 6-8 a day.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Okay, just okay.

Food cravings: I would have pizza all the time if it were okay.

Movement?: Picked up a LOT in the last week, she's definitely running out of room and so I feel every little thing she does. I've started to be able to chase her little feet around, I love it so much. 

What I miss?: Being pain free.

Best moment this week: TODAY! It's my sweet little boy's 2nd birthday! I can't believe two years ago right now, they were starting the Pit, by 1:00 pm I was fully dilated and he was born at 3:29 weighing 7lbs 13 1/4oz, 20 1/2 inches long. The sweetest thing I'd ever laid eyes on.

What I'm looking forward to: Next week, Samson's 2 year check up is Monday and I plan to ask the doctor about his asthma symptoms and fact that he gets colds every 2-3 months. Then I have my dress fitting on Tuesday for my brothers wedding, it's just over 2 weeks away!! Once the wedding is over, I'll be hoping for labor, I'm *SO* close and I can't. effing. wait. 

Milestones: 34 weeks, usually babies born early, but after 34 weeks are preterm and not premature, so they don't have many if any complications.

So yea, here's my little boy.

 2 days old

1 year old 

2 years old

33 weeks!

32 weeks 3 days

How far along? 33 weeks 1 day

Weight gain/loss: About 10-12 lbs

Feeling: Pretty good actually, which is surprising. My hips hurt more, and I pee a lot, but other than that, not horrid.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Better, I only wake up a couple times at night, and the insomnia has gone away for now.

Food cravings: Nothing really, it changes from day to day, I really enjoy candy almost all the time.

Movement?: Slowed, she's definitely running out of room, it's mostly just sliding of body parts and jabbing of feet like she's trying to make more room. 

What I miss?: Nothing!

Best moment this week:  I'm not really sure, I guess getting to 33 weeks, that just seems so far. I only have 4 weeks until I'm full term and 1 week until I get to pack my hospital bags. I can't wait for 37 weeks to hit and start the eviction process.

What I'm looking forward to: My apt on Tuesday, it's not anything special, but it's my last every 2 week appointment. I go at 34 weeks, then 36 weeks and then it's every week! AHH!! Also, I have my first internal at 36 weeks, I know they don't *really* tell you anything, but I'm still excited to see where I'm at.

Milestones: 33 weeks!! HOLY HELL.

31 week update and Sydney's Room - PIP heavy

Almost 30 weeks!

31 weeks 1 day

How far along? 31 weeks 6 days

Weight gain/loss: Still 10-11lbs

Feeling: Not horrible, I've been getting more BH contractions at night, I try to drink 10+ cups of water a day and that seems to help keep them away. 

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Not AS bad, but not great. I've been so tired that I'm usually able to pass out and not wake up until I have to pee, but then my hips hurt so so bad and I limp to the bathroom.

Food cravings: Pizza and french fries

Movement?: Still a good amount, but she's obviously running out of room, she's been hanging out in my ribs more and more. She more flops than kicks anymore, it feels like she's just in there tossing and turning. 

What I miss?: Not having to worry about getting heartburn, I miss not being able to just eat a piece of pizza or chocolate cake without popping several tums afterwards. 

Best moment this week: I washed and folded and went through all her clothes to figure out what more I need. It was so fun sitting on the rug in her room and folding all those little tiny pink ruffley things. I only need 2 more sleepers and 3 pairs of pants that aren't pink. I even got her a Christmas dress in hopes she'll actually be here!

What I'm looking forward to: My apt tomorrow to see how my weight is, according to our scale, I'm up 1lb since my last appt, but I hate that scale. 

Milestones: It's not really a milestone, but I'm almost 32 weeks and that is CRAZY.

Now, Here's her room! I think I'm going to do a little shelf above the crib, next to the window that has her name on it, but other than that, it's done. Oh, and we're still waiting on the mattress that was supposed to be here Friday, and then Saturday, and still isn't here :-/

 This is from the door looking across the room

Again, but a different angle

The dresser we sanded and restained that we'll use as a changing table. Then the bookshelf was an old dresser that we took the drawers out and painted white. Also, I made the door organizer (ALL BY MYSELF) and the changing pad cover, as well as the backs of the shelf. 

Again

The rocker is an antique, and yes, the fabric is a little dirty, but I love it. The little stand still needs new holes drilled for a drawer pull that matches the ones on the dresser and the lamp is circa 1950's from my parent's farm landlady. The footrest I made (ALL BY MYSELF) and only cost $14! Then the frames on the wall have the poem that this blog is named after "Mother's Song: A Traditional Lullaby" - look it up for words. 

Again

And that whole side of the room

I'm pretty excited with how it turned out, and I'm very proud of how much I did myself. All the linens (curtains, comforter, crib skirt, sheet, changing pad cover, door organizer, and footrest) I sewed myself and I made the little mobile above the crib. Not to mention refinishing the dresser, repurposing the bookshelf and painting the side table. So anyway, that's the room!

29 Weeks

29 weeks 1 day

Sweet Sydney at 29 weeks 2 days

How far along? 29 weeks 2 days

Weight gain/loss: Still 10lbs

Feeling: Tired, sore and very heartburny. Despite being tired, I've actually been productive and working on the house.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Worse, I wake up every couple hours because my hips hurt and I have to pee. Then when I get back to bed, I'm wide awake and can't fall back asleep for 30-45 minutes.

Food cravings: Cheeseburgers

Movement?: Alllll over, her feet are in my ribs and her hands punch my cervix

What I miss?: A drink and sleeping

Best moment this week:  Seeing our little girl this morning!! She is SO much bigger now compared to my 20 week apt, it's crazy. She's measuring right at 29 weeks, flipped head down and is around 3 lbs. She's so beautiful, seeing her makes me so much more excited to meet her.

What I'm looking forward to: My apt on Tuesday to find out the official radiologist report on my U/S today, the tech said everything looked good, but I want to hear my doctor say it too. 

Milestones: This is my LAST week in the 20's! Seriously, were the EFF is time going??

28 Weeks

I know, I know, always behind. Samson was sick most of last week and we only left the house once, so you'd think I would've been able to update this, but I just didn't make it on! So, here we are, I missed 27 weeks and am already in my second week of 3rd trimester.

27 weeks in Sydney's room

How far along? 28 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 10 lbs total

Feeling: Pretty good, not terrible. I've been having a good amount of energy, but my whole body gets pretty sore if  I do too much work or go on too long of a walk.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Okay, I sleep in longer intervals, but then wake up in more pain.

Food cravings: Breakfast sandwiches

Movement?: About the same, her feet love to be in my side and then she flutters them. 

What I miss?: Nothing really!

Best moment this week:  Putting all the furniture in her room!! It's looking so cute, I just have to get my mom to help me with the crib skirt and curtains then it's just the decorations. OH, and the dresser is so cute, we're so proud of ourselves.

What I'm looking forward to: Next week!! (See update from today's apt below.)

Milestones: 28 weeks seems like a great milestone!

I had my 28 week apt today and actually just got back from it. HB sounded good, I did gain a little more than he would expect me to (like 4lbs instead of 2) but he could feel some swelling in my legs and attributed the extra weight to water retention, so that's good. He felt for positioning and she appears to be transverse (laying sideways across my stomach) and I'm measuring 29-30 weeks when he'd expect me to measure smaller, closer to 26-27 weeks. So he scheduled me for another u/s next week to get a baseline of her size and make sure there aren't any issues, which he doesn't think there are, just wants to see what's going on. I'm excited to get to see our little girl again, I just hope everything checks out! Just 9 days until we see her beautiful face!

26 weeks

Taken at 26 weeks 1 day, there's my little boy too!

How far along? 26 Weeks 6 Days

Weight gain/loss: 7 lbs total

Feeling: I'm definitely wearing down, I get so tired around 8-8:30 most nights and fall asleep in the chair, which I haven't done since around 10-11 weeks. Otherwise, not horrible, heartburn has come back some, but not too bad yet.

Maternity clothes?: Same, same, same.

Sleep: Same, not too great. My hips have started to feel like they're popping in and out of place, which I remember all too well with Samson. Last night I woke up and whimpered out in pain, they hurt so bad.

Food cravings: Snickers still, not really much else.

Movement?: Same, and loving it

What I miss?: Sleep, again

Best moment this week:  Getting her room painted, the crib put together and the dresser stained! We just have to poly the dresser and put in the quarter round and the room will be ready for all the furniture to go in, then after that it's just linens!

What I'm looking forward to: December! I'm definitely getting anxious to meet her, but we have a lot of fun things coming up between now and then, so I am looking forward to those too!

Milestones: Today is my LAST day in 2nd trimester! This is crazyness!! 

25 Weeks!

Taken at 25 weeks

How far along? 25 Weeks 5 Days

Weight gain/loss: Total gain 6.8lbs

Feeling: More tired and worn down. I'm definitely feeling 3rd tri coming on, pain in my hips, hard to get comfortable and OH JOY! Hand and feet swelling. Blech

Maternity clothes?: Same, but I don't know if my jeans are gonna fit me through my whole pregnancy.

Sleep: Bad, I've been having to take naps during the day to make it through.

Food cravings: Wendy's burgers and snickers bars.

Movement?: She's a wild one in there, flipping and flopping all over the place!

What I miss?: Sleep

Best moment this week:  Not this week, but last week, passing my glucose test!!

What I'm looking forward to: 3rd Tri!! Only about a week left in 2nd, I can't believe how fast this is going!

Milestones: Not really sure, I guess passing my test. Oh, and tomorrow I'm at 99 days until my due date, double digits!!

NBR, but my little boy turns two, TWO months form today! WHAAAAAAA?? 

Oops! Several Updates!

 22 weeks!

24 weeks!

Our beautiful baby girl at our A/S

How far along? 24 weeks 2 days

Weight gain/loss: I'm up a total of 5 lbs, but according to my doctor (since I lost weight in 1st tri), I've gained 12 lbs.

Feeling: Pretty good, my heartburn has chilled for now.

Maternity clothes?: Same

Sleep: Not too shabby, I only wake up a few times a night because my shoulders get sore, and once to pee, but that's a given.

Food cravings: Wendy's, we haven't been going out to eat as often so I've been missing it.

Movement?: She's been going crazy in there! It's so insane how much movement has changed in the past 5 weeks, I'm loving all the kicks.
 

What I miss?: The lack of back aches and ligament pain. Oh, and being able to have sex without my hips feeling like they're falling off my body.

Best moment this week: My appt was pretty good, I had my GD test and will hear back tomorrow if I passed or not. My doc says everything looks good and we talked about pain meds during labor and my labor with Samson. He said since I was able to get to 6-7 cm before my epi last time, there's a good chance I could go med free this time around. I'm not by any means desiring a med-free birth, but it would be nice to not have to have an epi just to experience labor fully. Oh, and not to mention saving us $250!! haha

What I'm looking forward to: The weekend! We've started cleaning out the spare room and I'm *hoping* we'll get it finished so we can paint and get the crib set up. We got a dresser we're restaining, an adorable antique rocking chair, and our new crib came yesterday! I'm so excited to see the room come together. 

Milestones: 24 weeks! I'm very thankful we've made it this far and hope everything keeps going well for 12 1/2 more weeks and then I'll definitely be ready for her to come out! I can't believe I have less than 3 weeks left in 2nd Tri. This is flying by and I know it's just going to go even faster with Halloween, Samson's birthday, Thanksgiving and my brother's wedding in the next 3 months. Craaaazzzyyyy. 

19 weeks!

 

19 weeks! BUMP

 

 

How far along? 19 weeks 1 day

Weight gain/loss: Up .8 since last week, so still down 2.2 lbs

Feeling: Okay, not too tired, a lot of times I don't feel pregnant.

Maternity clothes?: Same

Sleep: Better, we've been staying up later recently watching Madmen on Netflix. I've also not been able to take as many naps as I usually do.

Food cravings: I don't know, nothing really right now, except maybe chocolate cake.

Movement?: Same as last week, except I've been busier recently and so I think I miss a lot of it.
 

What I miss?: Having a drink...still.

Best moment this week: All the hugs Samson has been giving out, he hugs me tight and says "Oh, mimi" (that's what he calls me <3)

What I'm looking forward to: My A/S on Tuesday!!! 6 days until I get to see my beautiful baby girl, can't wait!!

 

Milestones: Juuuuuust about halfway done, but I think I'll go into labor a few days earlier than my EDD, so I am halfway. I want this on record in case I am right, but I think I'll have her on Dec 20th, for some reason that date just sticks in my mind...we shall see.

17 & 18 Weeks and Elective U/S!

 

 Pic from 17 weeks

How far along? 18 weeks today!

Weight gain/loss: Up about a pound since 16 weeks, so still down 3 1/2 or so

Feeling: Better, but I caught a cold and then had an allergy attack on Saturday so I've been feeling pretty crappy from that.

Maternity clothes?: Same

Sleep: Okay, not as great, but that's mostly because of being sick

Food cravings: Cheeseburgers!

Movement?: More and more, I feel wiggles everyday, several times a day
 

What I miss?: Having a drink

Best moment this week:  I don't know, hmmm

What I'm looking forward to: Our 4th anniversary is on Thursday! We don't have anything planned, and I don't think we're getting each other anything, but I'm still excited. I can't believe it's been 4 years!

 

Milestones: No real new milestones, last night I told DH that in 2 weeks I'll be halfway done, he was like "holy crap!" haha

 

Now my elective u/s! We went on Friday July 13th and our little baby was very helpful being butt up and leg open wide. The tech could tell within the first 30 seconds, but then took a few more minutes looking around and making sure he was right. I thought the baby was a boy and from what I could see him focusing on, I knew what I was seeing but couldn't believe it. After several minutes and lots of wiggly baby, he finally threw his hands up in the air in a "TOUCHDOWN" pose and showed he got the perfect between-the-legs-shot. GIRL!! I couldn't believe it, I seriously thought it was a boy and when I saw what I saw I knew it didn't look like a boy, but I didn't want to say girl and the tech be like "uhh, no, dumbass" lol.

 

 

 

The tech's "Text Book Girl" pic! 

So, yea, we're having a sweet baby girl and couldn't be happier! I have my anatomy scan on Aug 7th, I can't wait to see her in more detail. Just 2 weeks away!! :)

16 Weeks!

Aren't you all lucky? Updates two weeks in a row!! :)

16 Weeks 1 Day...I'm so cute! haha

How far along? 16 weeks 2 days

Weight gain/loss: Up 1 1/2 lbs from 15 weeks so I'm still down about 4 1/2 lbs prepregnancy. I had my appt yesterday and my Doc said it was "acceptable" and to be prepared to gain anywhere from 8-14 lbs over the next 8 weeks.

Feeling: Pretty good overall, still tired often.

Maternity clothes?: Almost all maternity clothes but still t-shirts.

Sleep: Getting kinda crappy

Food cravings: Still corn on the cob, but I was able to get some for free from some friends and I have been loving it!

Movement?: Some every day, especially after something sugary. Earlier this week I felt some actual kicks, they were so cute and brought back so many memories of being pregnant with Samson!

What I miss?: Sleeping well

Best moment this week: Having my appt yesterday, I'll talk more about it below.

What I'm looking forward to: My elective u/s TOMORROW!! We decided to go to Minnesota earlier in the day on Friday so I thought I'd make a Friday afternoon appt instead of my Saturday morning appt. So now I go at 3:45 tomorrow afternoon!! SOOOOOO excited!

Next Appointment: August 8th for my 20 week appt. I had my 16 week appt yesterday, at my 12 week my doc couldn't find the heartbeat and I told him about my doppler and that I'd heard it since 8 1/2 weeks. He told me then to bring it in for my 16 week appt so he could check it out. So I brought it in yesterday and he looked it over and said "I'm gonna use this for your appt today!" haha. He used it and even though the counting was off he was super impressed and wrote all the info down about it and where to buy it, lol, it was funny to see him get so excited over a doppler. So anyway, he was able to find the hearbeat and he said it sounded great and right around 160 which is exactly what Samson was at almost every appt. He also measured me and said I'm measuring about 3 weeks ahead, I'm hoping that it's just how I'm carrying and I won't have a monster baby.

I also scheduled my BIG ultrasound (even though we'll be finding out the sex tomorrow, I'm still excited for the a/s)!! I was able to get an u/s at exactly 20 weeks because he's going on vacation that same week and wanted to get the results back to me so I don't have to wait 3 1/2 weeks, which I thought was nice. My doctor is such a caring man and I love that he wants to make sure I have all the info and feel secure in the health of my baby. So I go for my a/s on August 7th at 7:30 AM! DH has to leave RIGHT after the appt for a Farm Show (yea, we're from Iowa!) and will be gone for 3 days. I'm bummed we won't get to spend the day together like we did after Samson's a/s but it just makes me grateful that we're finding out tomorrow and get to have the rest of the weekend together. I also have to go to my appt and hear the results of the a/s by myself the next day which I'm not happy about, but I'm sure everything will be perfect and I won't have to hear any bad news alone.

Milestones: Feeling the first actual kicks!

15 Weeks!

 Taken at 15w 1d...Happy 4th!

How far along? 15 weeks 2 days

Weight gain/loss: Down 6 lbs total so up 2 lbs from 12 weeks

Feeling: Just tired still, and I've started getting headaches in the late afternoons, pretty much every night for the last 2 weeks :(

Maternity clothes?: Maternity pants and several maternity shirts, but I also wear t-shirts often.

Sleep: been going to bed around 10:30 and sleeping fairly well.

Food cravings: Corn on the cob! I can NOT wait for my parents sweet corn to be ready, less than 2 weeks!!

Movement?: Feeling some almost everyday, I'll just get a little *thump thump* and aalways smile.

What I miss?: Nothing really as of now

Best moment this week: Going to the 4th of July parade and watching Samson have so much fun picking up candy and waving to the people going by.

What I'm looking forward to: My elective u/s on the 14th!! At my 12 week appt my doctor told me he wants me to wait until 20-22 weeks (with Samson it was 18-22 weeks) for my a/s and that we'd schedule it "later". Grr. So I hopped online and decided we could go to Minnesota the same weekend my parents are and join them at the zoo there and have an elective done (there are no elective u/s places in my town). So I go in 9 days and then will have my a/s sometime between August 7th-21st. I'm so excited to see my baby look like a baby more than once!

Next Appointment: The 11th, at my 12 week appt he couldn't find the h/b on the doppler (even though I've found it a million times with mine) so I'm kinda excited to hear it and have him say it sounds good.


Milestones: officially feeling this little baby move and getting to 2nd tri!

12 Week Update!

Holy crap, 12 weeks!! This is my last week in 1st tri and I'm feeling great! Samson has been sick the past week, so I've been stressed out and not sleeping as well, but other than that I forget I'm pregnant sometimes. I also had food poisoning last week, that was just lovely :(

 

My "bump" at 7 weeks

 

And again at 11 1/2 weeks!

Here's my 12 week survey!

How far along? 12 weeks!

Weight gain/loss: Down 8 lbs

Feeling: Pretty good most of the time, some nausea here or there.  

Maternity clothes? Just the pants, I have a couple pairs of shorts I'm able to make work which have been great since it's been so hot here recently.

Sleep: Fairly normal, I go to bed around 9-9:30 and usually sleep pretty well.

Food cravings: Nothing really, probably just breakfast food stuff.

Movement? I *might* have felt it a couple times last Friday. I was using the doppler and I can hear the little kicks through it, and I could feel tiny little flutters that lined up with the sounds on the doppler, it was pretty cute.

What I miss? Alcohol.

Best moment this week: Getting congratulations since we told more family this past week.

What I'm looking forward to: My appt tomorrow! I'll find out which DD my doctor is going with (either the 25th or 27th) and I'm really really hoping I'll get to schedule my anatomy scan! Hopefully only 6-8 weeks away!!

Next Appointment: Tomorrow!

Milestones: Reaching 12 weeks!!

9 Week Update!

Holy crap! Where has time slipped away to? I've had a lot of awesome experiences the past couple weeks. I had my first beta drawn on April 30th at about 25-26 DPO and it came back amazingly, over 8,000! Whew! My doctor was very pleased and I scheduled my first u/s for the following Monday, May 7th. That was the longest week of my life, I had so many nerves and while I was scared, I was just really looking forward to seeing our baby and hopefully the heartbeat. The u/s started and the tech was very nice and explained everything that she'd be doing. I held my breath as she looked for the baby, finally after what felt like hours, she pointed to the screen and said "Here's your baby, and see that flicker? That's the heartbeat"

I bawled. I saw my tiny little baby with its amazing little heart pumping away, measuring just a couple days behind my LMP DD, but right in line with my O date. Perfect. I'm getting teary eyed and choked up just typing this out. I felt so much relief and I was just beaming while we walked out of the doctors office.

Last week I decided to bust out my doppler, even though I told myself I wouldn't, and even though I knew it was waaay too early. I tried at 7w 6d and again the next day, all I could hear was my body digesting and my own heatbeat, no shocker. I held off a day or too and tried again last Friday at about 8w 3d and caught the shortest blip of what I was pretty sure was the heartbeat, I couldn't find it again and gave up until that night when H was home. H was watching the Boston game (go Celtics!) and I found it and yelled "Pause it!!" and we got to listen to our tiny baby's heart gallop away at 163, so so happy!

How far along? 9 weeks 1 day

Weight gain/loss: Down 3 lbs

Feeling: Eh, super nauseous a lot of days and sooo tired. Sometimes I feel completely fine and then it hits me and I think I'll throw up, but I haven't yet.

Maternity clothes? Some! I bought some cute maternity capris and have worn those a few times. Even though I've lost weight, my jeans aren't fitting like they usually do. I also spend the majority of my day in jogging or sweat pants.

Sleep: It's okay, not as good as it was, I fall asleep earlier and then will wake up at 4-5 and have a little trouble getting back to sleep.

Food cravings: Pizza! Even if I feel super sick, I could still choke down a piece of pizza, especially stuffed crust.

Movement? Not yet, hopefully in the next 4-5 weeks, I can't wait to feel that butterfly!

What I miss? Not feeling sick and having energy.

Best moment this week: Hands down, hearing the heartbeat. 

What I'm looking forward to: Our town's parade that our family is walking in for H's work. It's always fun and I think Samson will have a good time.

Next Appointment: June 13th, I just had my intake appt this past Monday and the nurse was worthless because she's a Peds nurse and was just helping out that day. I didn't have any questions, but I wish she would've known more about the info she was giving out, oh well. I'm hoping at my next appt I'll be able to schedule the A/S, but I'm thinking I'll probably have to wait until my 16 week one.

Milestones: Hearing the heartbeat, it's been such a comfort that my baby is growing and healthy.

5 weeks update

Not too much to report as of now, but I thought I could start doing a little questionnaire every few weeks. I think I decided to do this today because according to my O due date, I'm 5 weeks 1 day, which was exactly when I started bleeding with my September baby. I can't wait to be past today and into next week where I'll know what my betas are. In January, I never got above 430, I'm so hoping I'll be 3-4,000 by Monday morning. Please be thinking of me and my H this weekend, it's gonna be a long one!

How far along? 5 weeks 3 (1) days

Weight gain/loss: No weight gain

Feeling: Normal, just somewhat tired a lot of the time.

Maternity clothes? Not yet! Just wearing my regular jeans and shirts, expect I change into my comfy pants as soon as I get home, ahhhhhhhhh, much better!

Sleep: Just fine, sleeping as well as I usually do.

Food cravings: Nothing really, although lately, desserts and things don't sound good. Pasta, cheeseburgers, pizza, soups and pretty much any other real food, sounds great!

Movement? Waaaayyyy too early, maybe in 8-10 weeks!

What I miss? Mixed drinks, and caffeine. I know, I know, I can have caffeine while pregnant, but it's something I choose not to have.

Best moment this week: Hmm, not sure, the whole week was pretty good.

What I'm looking forward to: My beta on Monday!! I should hear back around 11 that morning (since I'll go in first thing)

Next Appointment: Not sure about an actual appt yet, I should know after my betas next week.

Milestones: Making through today (so far so good).

There are no words...

that can fully express how happy I am. We very excitedly got a BFP on Sunday, the 15th from our first cycle TTCAL and c/p.

I tested on my birthday (the 13th!) and it was a BFN, but I didn't expect it to be positive, I just wanted to feel comfortable drinking. I told myself I wouldn't test again until Monday when I'd be about 12 DPO and would be the 1st day of my period. HA. I tested at about 7:30 AM on the 14th BFN, so I went about my business and started making chili for lunch. For some reason I tested again at about 10 and at about 2 mins past the time frame, a line came up. This was the theme of the day as every single test came back with the same line.

I tried to keep my excitement to a minimum and slept horribly that night. I woke up around 2:30 and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to test. Sure enough, a line and another and another, I just sat in disbelief as I watched the lines develop. I finally got back to bed around 3:15 and was looking up my potential due dates (according to LMP and according to O day), when Seth woke up and asked me what in the heck I was doing on my phone at 3:15 in the morning. I shrunk down, somewhat embarrassed and just said, "I'm pregnant". He didn't say a word, just grabbed me and hugged me, I savored every second of that embrace.

For the next half hour or so we laid there and talked about the baby and how crazy Christmas will be and all the things you talk about in the innocence of the excitement of pregnancy without a care in the world. We talked about the future the way we did when I was pregnant with Samson and for the first 5 weeks of our 2nd pregnancy. It was so nice to be able to think about the future and for once not have any worry, just have pure joy and excitement. I pray to God all day, every day that we're able to keep that innocence and excitement.

Of course ever since that early morning talk I've been a worry wart and think about every twinge and cramp. But this pregnancy just seems different, I feel like we will have a December baby and all will be right in the world. Although I'm nervous, this time around my excitement far exceeds my worry, I'm in love with this baby and I can't wait to meet our sweet baby.

My EDD based off my LMP, which my doctor will go by, unless my early u/s shows the dates are significantly off, is Christmas day. I go in for my first beta on the 30th and will hopefully have an u/s that same week.

2012 Can Kiss My Ass.

It's been exactly two months since I m/c our September Baby. Two months since I laid on our bathroom floor trying not to pass out and throw up from the pain. Two months since I finally accepted it was over and our lives were forever changed. These past three months have held such significance in my life that it's hard to grasp it and put it into reality.

I've barely talked about what happened this week with anyone, not even DH but here's my story.

This past cycle, we were TTA, but had one night of drunken passionate sex without using protection nearish O. Very shockingly, that's all it took. I started seeing the faintest of faint lines on Monday, March 19th and just chalked them up to evap lines and went on my merry way. I tossed and turned all night and finally woke up at 5:20 and couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to test. Within 3 minutes a line started showing up on my dollar store test. I laughed to myself and thought "Oh, holy shit. Of course this would happen." So I took another with the same pee, and sure enough, two lines. DH woke up about an hour later and I showed him the tests, even with his line-blindness, he saw them all. I was amazed that he saw them and I wasn't losing my mind. I continued testing all day and continued to get the lines on the dollar store tests, but my FRERs were pretty much negative. At about 2:30 that afternoon I started getting crampy and was hoping it was just normal early pregnancy symptoms. My internet cheapies started becoming positive around that time and I got more and more excited.

Around 4 I decided to test again because I was determined to get a positive FRER, when I went to the bathroom I was spotting, "Shit". Very quickly my cramps picked up and the spotting turned to flow, and very quickly my excitement turned to confusion and disappointment.

Many thoughts and questions went through my head, some of which I'm still asking myself. I wondered if I made it up, if I imagined the lines and DH was just there humoring me. I wondered if the tests were all faulty and the lines I thought were positive were just evaps. Ultimately I've come to the conclusion that it was indeed a chemical pregnancy and cursed from the start. Over before it even began.

I've had trouble these past two days deciding on what I'm feeling from this loss and the only word I can come up with is "disappointed". I'm disappointed I got excited for nothing. I'm disappointed we let this happen. But mostly, I'm disappointed that this is my second pregnancy that never had a chance.

My optimism I had at the beginning of the month has diminished and while I'm excited to try again, I'm scared shitless. Shitless. I don't want another loss, I don't want to fall in love just to have it ripped away from me. I don't want to start plans and watch them fade away and turn into utter devastation at the reality that my baby is gone. My babies are gone.

So, yea, 2012 can suck it.

Edited on 4-12 with a picture that I finally came across that I didn't look at until today. Very light, but I definitely see them now. 

Ahhhh, March!

It's MARCH! Holy crap! Where has the time slipped away to?

We're just a month and a half away from TTC again and I'm so hopeful and excited to get started. I'm on CD 12 of my 2nd post m/c cycle and I plan to start temping after the weekend, keep your fingers crossed that I O either really early, really late so the timing is good for when the MTX will be out of my system (April 20th).

I feel good where we're at and although we're anxious to get started and are still mourning the loss of our baby, we are enjoying spending lots of time with Samson. He's so much work and it's nice to be able to focus all our attention on him and each other.

Living life after a loss is really a hit and miss. Some days I feel completely and totally fine and don't even think about it, other days everything reminds me of my baby, or how far along I should be (12 1/2 weeks, but who's counting?). I got a memorial ring for the baby and shortly after we bought it, one of the diamonds fell out so it was gone to the jewelers for over 2 weeks. Ever since I got it back, it's been bittersweet seeing it on my finger.

Anyway, the beginning of this month has brought me a lot of hope as I look forward to the warmer weather, lots of birthdays between now and when we start trying again (6 of them!) and all the beautiful magnolia blossoms that are budding on our tree.

I'm in a happy place in life and I can't wait for it to get even better. 

Woot!

Kind of a sucky thing to be "excited" about, but I'm so happy with what my numbers have been doing.
Day 1 of Methotrexate - 420
Day 4 - 419
Day 7 - 356
Day 14 - 135!

I think I'm almost to the end of my blood draws and I've already had my first post m/c period. I feel like I'm right on track with a TTC date of mid to late April. I'm so glad this is almost over and I can be back to "normal" again, and I can't wait to get this show on the road.

Oh, and because he's too ridiculously cute.

The Beginning of the End.

Well, I had a blood draw yesterday and my numbers only increased from 295 to 397, my doctor deemed it a non viable pregnancy and suspects ectopic because my lining is thin in my uterus. I was given a dosage of methotrexate at around noon today, my doctor is confident that the medicine will take care of it and I won't have to have surgery. Of course this is not the ending I was hoping for, but at least it's an ending.

Totally Off Topic, but...

We started cloth diapering Samson today! I received our diapers and covers in the mail yesterday and prepped them so I didn't really get a chance for him to wear them until today.

Isn't he cute?! I'm loving the big booty!

Now, back to my other craziness with POAS. The top test is from early yesterday afternoon where my beta was 295 in the morning, the bottom test is from 2MU, so about 20 hours apart, they've both dried so it's easier to see the difference. Be prepared for more pictures of pee sticks in the days to come. I'm liking the way these are going and I'm going to hold on to the little bit of hope we have.

We love you baby, please stay with us. <3

My Life is So Complicated Sometimes

*SIGH*
My betas keep rising, and it's driving me completely insane. The bleeding has all but stopped, just very light spotting when I wipe and I haven't really had any cramps. My beta on Thursday morning was 105, this morning's was 295, that's a doubling time of 63 hours which my doctor is viewing as normal.

He said he still suspects I miscarried but he just can't prove it and won't intervene until he knows 100% that this pregnancy isn't viable. I go back Monday for more blood work and if they're at least 1500, I'll get an u/s next week to see what's going on.

I'm really trying with all my heart not to get too excited, but it's so hard. I know the odds are so slim that this is a good thing, but I can't help but think that this could be our miracle baby.

Please keep DH and me in your thoughts and prayers that whatever happens, we are strong.

My heart is like a fountain true That flows and flows with love to you.

This is my first post and I'm having trouble finding a way to start. I guess I'll start with a little about me and why I started this blog.

I'm Z, I'm 22 and have been married to my wonderful DH for 3 1/2 years (on the 26th!). We have one amazing little boy named Samson that is the absolute light of my life. He was born on November 16, 2010 at 3:29 pm, my life has never been the same and I'm thankful everyday that God gave him to us. We started trying for #2 in July of 2011, but I was still breastfeeding and didn't start cycling until the beginning of September. Much to our surprise, I got pregnant in December and we were over the moon at the thought of another little baby to love.

On January 10, 2012, I began spotting which quickly turned to bleeding, it was later found that my betas were extremely low for 5 weeks and that they were not doubling the way they should. We had lost the baby before it even had a chance to grow.

The loss is very fresh, only 5 days out and I go from being fine one minute to welling up with tears the next. We barely had any time with our baby, just 12 short days, but in those days we were happy. So ridiculously happy.

I think about what could have been, first kicks, and hiccups, our ultrasound where we see our precious baby squirm around, finding out the sex and going shopping for tiny newborn clothes. Going into labor and rushing to the hospital, hearing the first cries and seeing his or her beautiful face, kissing those cheeks and counting those toes. Watching my son become a big brother and grow up protecting his little brother or sister. I don't get those memories, I don't get that time. All we have to mourn are the memories we'll never have and pictures we'll never take.

My blog title and post title are from a poem that has always brought me to tears.

Mother's Song

My heart is like a fountain true
That flows and flows with love to you.
As chirps the lark unto the tree
...So chirps my pretty babe to me.

There's not a rose where'er I seek,
As comely as my baby's cheek.
There's not a comb of honey-bee,
So full of sweets as babe to me.

There's not a star that shines on high,
Is brighter than my baby's eye.
There's not a boat upon the sea,
Can dance as baby does to me.

No silk was ever spun so fine
As is the hair of baby mine.
My baby smells more sweet to me
Than smells in spring the elder tree.

A little fish swims in the well,
So in my heart does baby dwell.
A little flower blows on the tree,
My baby is the flower to me.

The Queen has sceptre, crown and ball,
You are my sceptre, crown and all.
For all her robes of royal silk,
More fair your skin, as white as milk.

Ten thousand parks where deer do run,
Ten thousand roses in the sun,
Ten thousand pearls beneath the sea,
My babe more precious is to me.

I hope our future has happier times and more love, I hope we can move through this tragedy, but never forget the baby that we loved so much. It's hard to think of going on when I'm missing a piece of my heart that I'll never get back.